Dark Days

I don't know where else to put these thoughts than here. Lately it seems everything I try to do runs into a massive wall of resistance. Work, love life, health, home, family.... it doesn't seem to end and I am so frustrated, stressed, confused, depressed and just want to melt into a puddle and never have to deal with anything again.
I have been so depressed and stressed out that I recently started thinking about suicide again for the first time since I was 19. I won't do it, the main reasons being my dog and cat. If something happened to me, they'd be lost. Neither of them eat when I am gone, they wait until I come home. I am their world and they are mine. But what really bothers me is that I keep thinking of it, like it's some kind of actual solution to anything, which I know it's not. I just..... I dunno.... I came to Mexico expecting it to be this fantastic thing because I'd be with my sister again, I'd be teaching, which I have always wanted to do, and it turned out the my sister is a total fucking waste of flesh, energy and life. I hate her. She has done everything she can to make my life miserable and all I have done is try to help her with her business. She is used to being able to talk to people any way she wants and treating them any way she wants, and I won't let her. So she get's pissed that I don't lie down and take it like everyone else. I have never been so disappointed in my life than meeting my sister again. What's worse is that even if I wanted to, I couldn't go back to Canada because I spent every dime I had to come down here (sooner than I wanted to because of my sister pleading, saying she needed me here now) so am now dependant on my paychecks. Everything is so fucked up.
I just can't stop being so depressed and thinking of suicide and it really really bothers me. I put on the happy face and smiles for everyone until I get home, then I just want everyone to leave me alone because I don't want to pretend to be happy anymore. I want to cry and crawl into bed and never get out... but I can't and don't let myself, so I guess that's something. People depend on me and I know that if anything ever happened to me, it wouldn't just be my pets that would be hurt, all my students who miss me so much when I am gone for a day sick. Sometimes I wonder if the people I call my friends here would really miss me, but I know they'd be hurt too. That is why I would never commit suicide, it's the most selfish act of all, and it's a cowards way out. I have never been a coward and don't intend to start now. I just wish...I dunno, that things would work out. Work is finally sorted out. I am quitting my sisters school in 4 weeks and will be teaching at the local private schools only. I will be moving soon, which is going to be stressful on my wallett, but I need to do it for my mental well being, so that is good. I just need to meet a nice woman to spend time with and help me not think of all this stupid shit I think about when I am alone, and focus on her. Is that a healthy solution?? I dunno, but I know it'd work, so...