Living in Mexico

I have been living in Mexico for the last 6 months and there are so many things about Mexico I love.
First, the weather. In the last 6 months we have had rain for 5 days, only 2 in succession. It is generally around 26 or 27 degrees here, in Progreso de Obregon.
Second, the culture. Mexican culture is so rich and diverse from State to State. In Hidalgo there are many...rituals that are unique to this State. I visited the Popular Art Museum in Mexico City and I was absolutely dumbfounded by the amount of diversity and the craftsmanship of all the crafts and arts there. It was an experience I will always remember. I filled 2 memory cards on my camera with pictures.
Third, the people. Mexican people are some of the kindest, warmest, caring people I have ever met. Coming from a country where people will step over a dying man because they don't want to get sued or think the person is a drug addict or might rob them, it was quite a shock. Making friends in Vancouver was difficult to say the least. Making friends here is as easy as could be, and you are automatically part of their family. I have had so many people that became my friends and are willing to offer any possible help you could need at any time. They give you respect for the most part, a devotion you could not find anywhere else. From listening to others, I thought Mexicans were dirty, poor, uneducated people. Nothing could be further from the truth. Every morning, almost every household and business goes out and washes the sidewalk, picks up any garbage and makes sure everything is clean and tidy. When you go into a store, it is spotless and organized and the people are friendly and willing to help, but never solicit you to buy something. It is nice to go shopping in the local markets. Mind you, there are places where you will go, mainly where there are large groups of Taquerias, and they will holler at you to come eat there, listing off what they have. It can be a bit annoying, but it doesn't happen everywhere. I have been adopted into a very large family who treats me as though I was born and raised as their son. Growing up in Foster homes, never really feeling like I belonged to a family, it is a very nice feeling. Also, they have MANY fiestas (parties). Birthdays are very large family and friends gatherings with lots of food, alcohol and music. At first I expected a drunken bash where everyone was out of control, fighting, arguing or just being stupid, but it was exactly the opposite. Everyone is very polite, fun loving and even the few that get really drunk are happy drunks, dancing and having fun. Everyone makes sure everyone else has enough to eat, enough to drink, and they love to talk about all sorts of things. Mexican people are generally well educated. Their Education system here is top notch. It is free all through school. In University they may have to pay a small amount, depending on their subject, but they pay back the Government by spending some time working in Government service or for a Company that has an agreement with the Government. This gives the students practical experience in their chosen field and at the same time, they pay for their schooling. It is an amazingly efficient system. I have met very few people here who do not have a degree of some sort. If they don't it's because they went to school before this system was initiated and couldn't afford to go to school. However, those are usually the people who have successful businesses and are very intelligent. So thinking that because Mexico is considered a 2nd or 3rd world country, the people are uneducated bumbling dirt farmers, it is totally misconceived. The highways and roads here, while confusing to those who don't know them, are extremely efficient. While I haven't been to any of the really big cities, what I have seen, the stereotypical rush hour traffic jam isn't very common here.
Also, groceries are pretty cheap here when you consider what we pay for them elsewhere. I can buy a months worth of groceries (fruits, vegetables, meat, bread, condiments, dog food, cat food, etc.) for less than $70 Canadian. In Canada, for a month, it cost me well over $500 a month for food!!
The public transportation here is simply amazing. You never have to wait for more than 5 minutes for a bus travelling to the local araes, and you pay 5 1/2 pesos. To travel by the larger buses to say, in my case, Pachuca (the capital city of Hidalgo State, an hour bus ride), I pay 28 pesos, which is $2.80 Canadian, roughly. I paid that much in Vancouver for a city bus, and only for 1 Zone!
I simply love it here, and have the utmost respect for Mexicans. In every aspect of their lives, they are resourceful, efficient, organized, respectful, thoughtful and intelligent. It blows me away. I will never regret coming here. My only difficult dealing with any person here has been my sister, who, of course, is Canadian and has the stereotypical mindset of a Canadian. "I am the center of the Universe. I am the only person that matters and screw anyone else." That mindset is a large part of the reason I left Canada. Total lack of respect for others, total lack of caring for the problems of others, friends, family or not. Here, while money is of course important, Mexicans have a full complete life, full of family, friends, recreation, most of them enjoy their work, they laugh and enjoy their lives. In Canada, everywhere you looked, people are miserable, with their work, family, friends, everything. Even when things are going good, they want more. Mexican culture is 'be happy with what you have, don't ask for more because if you get greedy you might lose what you have'. The money driven society of North America is everything I hate. In Canada, a person wouldn't be caught dead riding on a piece of crap bicycle. It had to be new, shiny and something others thought was nice, a status symbol. Others simply though if you rode a bike, you were lower than those with a vehicle. It disgusts me. Here, you will see a guy riding a crappy bike with his girlfriend on the handlebars or standing on the pegs at the back wheel, happy and not worried with what others think. Everytime I see that, it reminds me that is how it should be. 'Needing' an expensive bike, car, house, or whatever, living outside of your means is just plain silly in Mexican culture. Those that have those things are the people who outright own them, no credit or crap like that. Who needs the stress? Not me, and not many of the Mexicans I have met. Life is more complete here, simpler here, and by far, a lot happier.

Dark Days

I don't know where else to put these thoughts than here. Lately it seems everything I try to do runs into a massive wall of resistance. Work, love life, health, home, family.... it doesn't seem to end and I am so frustrated, stressed, confused, depressed and just want to melt into a puddle and never have to deal with anything again.
I have been so depressed and stressed out that I recently started thinking about suicide again for the first time since I was 19. I won't do it, the main reasons being my dog and cat. If something happened to me, they'd be lost. Neither of them eat when I am gone, they wait until I come home. I am their world and they are mine. But what really bothers me is that I keep thinking of it, like it's some kind of actual solution to anything, which I know it's not. I just..... I dunno.... I came to Mexico expecting it to be this fantastic thing because I'd be with my sister again, I'd be teaching, which I have always wanted to do, and it turned out the my sister is a total fucking waste of flesh, energy and life. I hate her. She has done everything she can to make my life miserable and all I have done is try to help her with her business. She is used to being able to talk to people any way she wants and treating them any way she wants, and I won't let her. So she get's pissed that I don't lie down and take it like everyone else. I have never been so disappointed in my life than meeting my sister again. What's worse is that even if I wanted to, I couldn't go back to Canada because I spent every dime I had to come down here (sooner than I wanted to because of my sister pleading, saying she needed me here now) so am now dependant on my paychecks. Everything is so fucked up.
I just can't stop being so depressed and thinking of suicide and it really really bothers me. I put on the happy face and smiles for everyone until I get home, then I just want everyone to leave me alone because I don't want to pretend to be happy anymore. I want to cry and crawl into bed and never get out... but I can't and don't let myself, so I guess that's something. People depend on me and I know that if anything ever happened to me, it wouldn't just be my pets that would be hurt, all my students who miss me so much when I am gone for a day sick. Sometimes I wonder if the people I call my friends here would really miss me, but I know they'd be hurt too. That is why I would never commit suicide, it's the most selfish act of all, and it's a cowards way out. I have never been a coward and don't intend to start now. I just wish...I dunno, that things would work out. Work is finally sorted out. I am quitting my sisters school in 4 weeks and will be teaching at the local private schools only. I will be moving soon, which is going to be stressful on my wallett, but I need to do it for my mental well being, so that is good. I just need to meet a nice woman to spend time with and help me not think of all this stupid shit I think about when I am alone, and focus on her. Is that a healthy solution?? I dunno, but I know it'd work, so...